by Katherine Jewett, LMFT
Gaslighting is a subtle yet deeply damaging form of emotional manipulation that can make you question your own thoughts, feelings, and even reality. If you’ve ever found yourself second-guessing your memories, wondering if you’re “too sensitive,” or feeling like you’re always the one to blame, you may be experiencing gaslighting.
In this post, we’ll break down what gaslighting looks like, common phrases used by gaslighters, and how to protect yourself from this insidious form of emotional abuse.
What Is Gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological manipulation in which a person makes someone else question their reality, memory, or perception of events. It often happens in romantic relationships but can also occur in friendships, families, and workplaces.
Gaslighting is particularly dangerous because it’s not always obvious. It doesn’t necessarily involve shouting, name-calling, or overt abuse. Instead, it’s a slow erosion of your confidence in your own judgment.
Signs of Gaslighting in a Relationship
Here are some of the most common ways gaslighting shows up in relationships:
1. Denying What Happened (“That Never Happened”)
You mention a situation in which you felt hurt, but your partner flat-out denies it ever occurred. This can make you question your own memory.
🔹 Example: “I never said that. You must be imagining things.”
2. Minimizing Your Feelings (“You’re Overreacting”)
Your emotions are dismissed, making you feel like your concerns are invalid. Over time, this can make you hesitate to express yourself.
🔹 Example: “You’re making a big deal out of nothing. You always do this.”
3. Shifting Blame (“You Made Me Do It”)
Instead of taking responsibility, the gaslighter turns the situation around and makes you feel like the guilty one.
🔹 Example: “If you weren’t so sensitive, I wouldn’t have to act this way.”
4. Twisting Facts (“That’s Not What I Meant”)
They say something hurtful, but when you call them out, they claim you misunderstood. This leaves you feeling confused and unsure of what actually happened.
🔹 Example: “I was just joking. You always take things the wrong way.”
5. Rewriting History (“You Always Do This”)
A gaslighter will often rewrite past events to make themselves seem like the victim and you the aggressor.
🔹 Example: “You always make things difficult. I’ve been the one putting in all the effort in this relationship.”
6. Isolating You from Support (“They Don’t Care About You”)
Gaslighters often try to cut you off from friends and family so that you rely on them alone. This makes it harder for you to get outside perspective.
🔹 Example: “Your friends don’t really understand you like I do.”
How Gaslighting Affects You
The long-term effects of gaslighting can be devastating, including:
✔️ Constantly doubting yourself
✔️ Feeling confused and anxious
✔️ Losing trust in your own perceptions
✔️ Becoming emotionally dependent on the gaslighter
✔️ Feeling like you’re “too sensitive” or “always wrong”
If you recognize these signs in your relationship, it’s important to acknowledge that what you’re experiencing is not normal and not your fault.
How to Protect Yourself from Gaslighting
1. Trust Your Feelings
If something feels off, it probably is. You don’t need someone else’s validation to confirm your emotions.
2. Keep a Record
Writing down conversations, incidents, and how they made you feel can help you stay grounded in reality.
3. Set Boundaries
You don’t have to engage in conversations where your reality is being questioned. It’s okay to walk away.
4. Seek Outside Support
Talk to a trusted friend, therapist, or support group. Getting an outside perspective can help you see patterns more clearly.
5. Remind Yourself: It’s Not Your Fault
Gaslighting is about control, not truth. You are not responsible for someone else’s manipulation.
Final Thoughts
Gaslighting is a serious form of emotional abuse that can take a toll on your mental health. If you recognize these signs in your relationship, know that you are not alone and that support is available. The first step is acknowledging the problem, and the next is taking steps to protect yourself.
Have you experienced gaslighting in a relationship? Share your thoughts in the comments below. 💬
💡 Need support? Working with a therapist can help you rebuild confidence and trust in yourself. If you need support, I’d love to help. Schedule a free 30-minute consultation with me.
If you enjoyed this, you might also like When Trust Shatters: The Reality of Infidelity and the Long Road to Healing or Red Flags: What Gaslighting Is and Why It’s Dangerous .
