Gaslighting: Empowering Antidotes Against Emotional Sabotage in Relationship

This insidious manipulation technique can be devastating, but understanding it is the first step toward empowering yourself and others to counteract its harmful effects. 

What is Gaslighting? 

Gaslighting is a toxic manipulation strategy aimed at making a person doubt their perception, memory, or even sanity. 

The term ‘gaslighting’ was coined from the 1944 movie ‘Gaslight,’ where a manipulative husband tries to make his wife believe she is losing her mind. 

Why is Gaslighting Abuse? 

Gaslighting is a severe form of psychological abuse, creating an imbalance of power in relationships and leading to a sense of uncertainty and consistent self-doubt in the victim. The goal of the abuser is often to control and hold the upper hand in the relationship. It can cause anxiety and depression and lead to a significant deterioration in mental well-being. Ultimately, it’s throwing someone you love under the bus to save yourself. Ouch!

How to Recognize Gaslighting? 

Gaslighting often starts subtly, making it difficult to recognize immediately. A gaslighter may deny conversations or events, discredit your feelings or memories, and make you feel bad for expressing yourself. They might also use confusion as a weapon, changing the topic abruptly during a crucial conversation. They may lie and then double down on the lie with passive-aggressive quips such as, “Do you really think that I’d ever do that? Wow!” or “You’re paranoid/crazy/etc.”.

Counteracting Gaslighting.

Empowerment is the Key.  Awakening to the reality of gaslighting is a brave and crucial step in reclaiming your mental health. If you suspect gaslighting in your relationship, the following actions can help you regain control: 

Recognize the problem: Rather than self-doubt, focus on the gaslighter’s behaviors. Does their narrative often seem warped or biased? Does their story seem to change day by day or even minute by minute?

Trust your memories and feelings: You are the authority on your experiences. Don’t allow someone else to undermine your reality. Someone who cares about you will try to help you to feel more safe in the relationship. Words like “paranoid” or “crazy” aren’t words that do that. They are contemptuous at best and gaslighting at worst.

Stay on topic: A gaslighter will often try to turn the tables or shift blame. When you hear words like, “Well, I only do that because you force me to act in that way.” or “Well, you always do. . . .” that’s gaslighting. Stay on topic; don’t let the other person derail what you are communicating. Answer with something like, “We can have a conversation about that separately if it bothers you. I’d like to finish this specific conversation first.”

Call attention to the gaslighting behavior: Use “I feel . . .when. . .and what I need is”. For example, I feel hurt/angry/confused/sad when you tell me that I’m paranoid, and that doesn’t help me to trust you. I need for us to have a way to have these conversations without name calling so that we can both feel safe.” Or, “I feel confused and frustrated when the details of your story change. I need a clear and unchanging story that I can trust.”

Seek professional help: Therapists and counselors can provide essential tools and strategies to cope, heal, and build resilience against future manipulation. 

Your journey through this challenging experience may feel daunting, but remember, you aren’t alone. For those wondering if they might be victims of gaslighting or if you are simply seeking help to navigate any personal issues, please don’t hesitate to contact me to support you. 

Click here to schedule a free consultation. 

You deserve and can live a life filled with self-assurance, respect, and authenticity. Together, we can pave the path to achieving that. 

Remember, recognizing the problem is the first step to recovery. With guidance and support, you will find the strength to confront and overcome these challenges, reaffirm your worth, and move towards a healthier state of mind. 

It’s not just about healing; it’s about growing stronger and wiser from the experience. Stay tuned for more enlightening topics that help navigate the complexities of our minds and relationships.